Friday, 17 June 2016

Reasons why Gwyneth Paltrow is #Goals

Every year, the sheer overload of awesomesauce at the Cannes film festival and MET Gala send me into a fashion coma, and recently, I had a revelation- one that goes by the name of Gwyneth Paltrow.

So I know this leggy lass isn't known as much of a red-carpet superhero, or any other kind of superhero *cough cough Iron Man 3* and despite being the reason the cheese fest that is Fix You exists (which, in my books, definitely warrants for negative marking), Gwyneth Paltrow still stands high on my regretful list of "WHY Couldn't I Be Like Her”.

1. She dies like a pro
Remember that time she did absolutely nothing and had her head unceremoniously cut off and stuffed into a box, thereby being the butt of one of the greatest plot twists (and dialog, might I add) of all time? Yeah, me too. She singlehandedly pulled off completing psycho John Doe's preachy elaborate murder spree, psh no big deal. We didn’t even SEE the head.

Also oops, spoiler alert? No point watching Se7en now. Besides, if you haven't watched it yet then really, your life has already been so boring.

2. She turns tables and stuff
Clearly, Gwyneth loves music. So much so that she married it (haha, I made another Coldplay joke). Granted, anyone can love music but GP has a crazy set of pipes that she so gracefully reminded us of when she belted out Adele’s hit ballad on an episode of Glee.

3. She named her kids APPLE AND MOSES.
Sure, even Kanye’s kids have quirky names but JESUS (tee hee) seriously, Gwyneth named her kid after a fruit literally because it sounded “sweet and wholesome and biblical”, and the other one after a song (not another biblical figure, in case you were wondering). What.

4. She wore JUST an apron to the Costume Institute Gala in 2012
If anyone could pull this Prada piece off without looking tacky, it’s her. I’m swooning over the embellishments on the sides. Also what even are her earrings?? I NEED THEM.

5. She made face cream that you can eat. And called it goop.
So maybe it’s pretentious as all hell and costs just about as much as five pints of blood (Vampire Facelift, anyone?) but hey, it’s organic YOU CAN EAT IT (not that you should, or would because hello, $100) Also, face goop.

6. Pepper Potts and Gwyneth Paltrow are basically the same person
This is the closest she’s come to having superpowers. This Tom Ford gown at the Academy Awards in 2012 has Paltrow channeling her Iron Man character with its silhouette and to-die-for cape.That, plus the sleeeeek hairdo. I’m crying tears of joy.

7. She’s a vision in Pink
If Gwyneth Paltrow in Ralph & Russo couture wasn't the height of your Oscars 2015 expe-rience, ew you. This is, by far, the best outfit I’ve ever seen- it’s a match made in heaven and she looks like a slice of clouds at sunset.

8. Is there ANYTHING she can’t pull off?
Nashville had a few thousand heart failures when Paltrow showed up in this one-shoulder ombre gown by Atelier Versace at the Country Music Awards, 2010. Thigh-high slit on the side AND cut out detail is a recipe for disaster. But not Gwyneth. Excuse me while I scoop my jaw off the floor.

Written by Jyotsna Shiv Kumar
Eater of the cupcakes. Art nerd., reeeally liker of psychological horror novels. Your friendly neighborhood tumblr expert.

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